“Lost Joeboo of Twizle”

Kevin O’Connor

All rights reserved by the author




            Luke Mason was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota in 1978.  His hair was medium length, and resembled a surfers hair cut.  His eyes were dark brown, and he had bushy eyebrows above them.  He stood at about 5 feet 10 inches and weighed 170.  Everything about him was fairly average.  Luke attended, and graduated from the University of Minnesota with a PhD in Archeology.  He had always been fascinated with the Indiana Jones movies and all the wonders that he uncovered.  Luke’s father, David, never wanted him to become an archeologist. Instead David wanted him to take over the family car dealership.  So Luke was forced to have to pay for school himself.  So coming out of graduate school he had a tremendous debt, and needed to pay the bank back quickly. 

            Luke had read about a statue called the Joeboo of Twizle.  The Joeboo was said to be made of gold, and have precious stones for eyes that could cure some of the worst illnesses known to man.  Luke decided that he needed to find the Joeboo, and pay off the debt he had acquired through college with the money that he would get from a museums purchase.  The Joeboo of Twizle was said to reside in the Congo, so as quick as he could, he flew to the Congo and manned together a team to set off into the forest. 

            He started the trip with seven other native men and women.  His Guide was an old man named Zele.  Zele was a little shorter than Luke and was not very muscular, but Luke could tell in his younger days that he was.  He had blue eyes like the ocean and light gray hair.  Zele looked like he had had too many encounters within the forest with wild animals, having scars all over his body.  However, Zele knew some English, and could translate to the other men what Luke was saying.   He traveled through some of the most dangerous parts of the Congo, and was almost killed numerous times by wild beasts.  Luke also had a man name Cloko, and was an expert in every gun or weapon available.  Cloko was very muscular and in shape, he had dull blue eyes and blond hair that was shaved off.  He imagined this is what Zele once looked like Cloko.  However, Cloko was much taller than Zele and Luke, he stood at 6 feet 4 inches tall.  Cloko took part in six of civil wars within the Congo, so he knew the tribes that were in the forest.  Another member of the party was a woman named Clanaca.  She was a native expert on the history of the Joeboo of Twizle, and she wanted to see the powers that it had.  Clanaca was a beautiful middle aged women that had ever gone to college, but has heard many of the stories about the Joeboo.  The remaining members of the party were there to carry equipment and protect everyone with Cloko.

            The expedition was on its way, and ran into no trouble until the tenth night.  One of the laborers had gone off into the woods because he heard a noise.  However, he never made it back the next morning, so the party had to go on with out him.  That next day Luke encountered a plant that he had never seen before.  It had many branches branching off, and small peddles that were colored purple.  He was fairly knowledgeable about plants having taken a few courses at the university.  He asked Zele what the plant was, and he too had never seen it before.  So he decided to keep some of the plant and bring it back to the United States to have it analyzed.  Finally, on the fifteenth day of the trip the expedition came across a hidden temple, which Clanaca had read about in an old book about the power of the Joeboo of Twizle.  The temple had looked like it had not been seen by human eyes in centuries.  Many of the walls had crumbled in, and the parts of the ceiling were missing.  Vegetation had also grown all over the temple walls that still stood.  On the side of the temple, where some wall was left, were symbols of a face which Clanaca also recognized.  The day was getting old, so the party decided to camp outside the temple before entering. 

            That night the party suffered an attack by Congo tribesmen that were wearing masks and wore little clothing.  The party lost two more laborers, and Cloko was injured in his leg by an arrow.  However, he was able to fend off the tribesmen with the help of the laborers. Clanaca told Luke that she believed that the tribesman that attacked them lived here in order to protect the Joeboo.  So the remaining party members were forced to stay up the remainder of the night.  The next morning the party entered the temple.  Clanaca told everyone to be careful because traps could be anywhere.  Just as she finished warning everyone the laborer set one off, and was killed by an arrow from the wall.  Luke, Clanaca, Zele, and Cloko continued, and finally entered some sort of throne room decorated like someone had been living there.  They found this very strange because of the appearance of the outside of the temple.  It had gold and red drapes on the wall and the floor was swept clean.  At the end of the temple sat the Joeboo of Twizle, it sat comfortably on a marble stand and was asking to be taken.  The closer Luke got the more his heart raced, knowing that the sale of this artifact would be able to pay for his school loans.  As he stood next to it he stared at its precious jewels in its eye sockets, he couldn’t help but smile.  So he then proceeded to snatch it up swiftly and leave the temple as quickly as he could.  When the four emerged from the temple they were met by tribesmen, and again Cloko had to use his weapons but not before he tried talking to them, but they would have no part.  So the four had to battle with seven tribesmen, who were no match for the weapons that Cloko had brought into the forest, and they ended up killing all but one of them.  After the skirmish they had no trouble getting out of the forest, and Luke gleefully took the first plane back to the United States.


            When he returned to the United States he phoned the Metropolitan in New York City, luckily they were planning on having an exhibit on ancient cultures.  He told them that he had an artifact that they would be interested in and would like to meet with someone about the purchase of it.  They agreed to meet with him, and told him to come in a week with the artifact.  Shortly there after he remembered the plant that he had brought back to the United States, and decided to bring it to a plant expert he went to College with, Dr. John Graham. 

            When he arrived in New York he had a limousine sent to get him by the museum which brought him to his hotel.  The next morning he met with museum officials, and they agreed to purchase the Joeboo of Twizle for 600,000 dollars.  Later that afternoon he went to see Dr. Graham to analyze the plant, and to catch up on some old times they had together at college.  John looked like he aged twice as much as Luke had, because of the constant work in the lab.  He stood about 5 feet 11 inches, and had brown hair and eyes.  After John was done analyzing the plant and the nutrients it possessed he discovered that it had chemicals within its stem that would work as a super steroid.  He found that if the unknown chemical had many similarities with common steroids and the natural hormone of testosterone.  However, there was a small difference in its formula that would make the people who took the steroid bigger, faster, and stronger in half the time as a normal steroid would.  The best part about the super steroid was that it would be completely undetectable to any of modern day tests.  John also could reproduce this chemical in a lab, so the actual plant would not be needed.  John told Luke about the chemical in the stem, and that he could make millions off it.  Luke thought of all the possibilities in his head.  He could be one of the richest men in the United States.  After much debate with himself, he decided to sell the chemical as a super steroid to athletes and body builders.  However, John wanted to be a partner in the production of the steroid.  Luke was not sure it was a good idea to bring him in, but he could not risk him telling people about it, plus he needed John to make the chemical. 

            The two started right away in producing it.  While John was hard at work in his home lab making the chemical, Luke went out to buy bottles and stickers and also found mailing addresses of people that would be interested in the drug.  After a month of preparations the two decided to name the drug “Just Jacked!”.  They sent letters to athletes in the NFL, NHL, NBA, and the MLB.  The few that did purchase the steroids broke records at an extreme rate.  The record for all time sack record in the NFL and the single season home run record was broke with 84 home runs.  Also the longest home run of all time was hit at Shea Stadium and measured at 647 feet.  Other players saw these players success and also purchased “Just Jacked!”.  Within the first five years of “Just Jacked!” existence John and Luke made over 50 million dollars.


               Five years after all the records were broken Luke received a call from Condoleezza Rice.  She had heard that Luke had developed a steroid that caused all the record breaking.  She told him that the government was interested in experimenting with steroids in the military.  She told Luke that the United States government was willing to pay very well for the steroid formula, and told him that he and his partner would not have to pay no government taxes for the rest of there lives.  After a long conversation Luke told Condoliza that he would discuss the matter with his partner Dr. John Graham.  She agreed, and told him that she would call him again in a week to set up a meeting.  Immediately, Luke called John and told him to meet him for dinner at 7:00 at the Oceana just outside of New York City.  When John walked into the restaurant Luke was already there waiting for him.  Before John even sat down he asked what was going on.   Luke then told him about the phone call he had received from Condoliza Rice.  He was absolutely speechless.  John quickly said that was amazing, and agreed to sell the formula to the United States government.  The two then enjoyed the rest of their dinner together realizing that they would not need to worry about money ever again.  A week later Luke received the expected call from Condoleezza, and Luke told her that the two had agreed to sell the formula.  Condoleezza was very pleased, and she said they would have a personal jet sent for them at JFK airport to bring them to Washington D.C.  When they arrived at Washington a limo brought them to the nicest hotel in town, and they got free room service.  The next day, a car was sent to bring to the White House.  They had a meeting with Condoleezza, and by the end of the meeting they had agreed to a deal worth 200 million dollars to each of them. 


            Luke and John did not realize why the US military was experimenting with steroid use until 2 years later.  John was watching CNN during dinner with his wife when he saw a headline flashing: “World War 3”.  He saw that the US just launched a full on assault of the Middle East for the full control of the worlds oil supply.  They then showed pictures of US solders next to enemy solders, every US solder was considerably larger than all of the enemy solders.  He quickly rushed to the phone to call Luke, but wasn’t fast enough to the phone because the phone rang as he picked it up, it was Luke.  They both talked about the event that just happened and realized that they had a major part in the death of thousands of Middle Eastern and US solders.  They felt they had been double crossed by their own country because they were not told of the reason of the testing. They had never thought that “Just Jacked!” would ever cause this. 

            Three years after WWIII started it ended and the death toll was nearing the 500,000 mark.  John and Luke felt absolutely terrible.  However a few days after the end of the war, Luke received a phone call from Russians secretary of defense!  They were good allies with the United States at the timem and heard about “Just Jacked!” from the United States.  They wanted to purchase the drug.  He was very reluctant to even consider it after what happened when the United States used it. The Russian government said that it would not be used to assault more countries, but for defense in case of countries coming after them because of the United States actions.  Unsure, Luke told them that he would need to seriously talk it over with his partner Dr.  John Graham.  Luke then called John, and told him to meet him for dinner at the Oceana at 7:00.  He agreed but sounded nervous on the phone.  When he got there Luke was already there waiting.  When he reached the table he could see that Luke was uneasy, and asked what the matter was.  Luke then told him about the phone call from Russia.  John was shocked ,and didn’t say anything for a few minutes.  He then asked what Luke wanted to do.  Luke was still unsure.  The two continued to talk it over and decided to sell them the formula to Russia because they Russia is using it to protect their people because of the mistake John and Luke made when selling it to the United States. 

            A year after the two had sold “Just Jacked!” to Russia Luke received an envelope from the United States Military.    He opened it up and saw that it was a draft notice?!  He was very confused even though the draft had been initiated during the war he didn’t understand why they would need more people.  He called John and John had received one as well.  The two didn’t know what to do.  So they called Condoleezza Rice, however she would not except their phone calls.  The two considered running to Canada, but realized that they are no better than other guy in the country, and the only reason the draft was in place was because of them.  So the two of them reported to basic training about 3 hours outside of New York City.  When they got there they had to go the medical office and get shots.  The two looked at each other and realized what they shots were.  It had never occurred to them that would have to take “Just Jacked!”.  The two of them tried sneaking off but officer made them get right back line their was no way out of it.  When they got into the office the saw the syringe and tried to fight it but could not break free.  It was too late they both had it in there system now. 


            After three month of basic training Luke and John received multiple shots of their steroid “Just Jacked!” and both put on about 50 pounds of muscle.  They were also never told why they were draft.  Later that month, John and Luke were told that it was time for them to go over.  When Luke asked over where, the commanding officer told them that they had just invaded Russia and that the two of them were being put on the front.  John and Luke asked why the United States invaded Russia, all the man said was that is what the president wants.  The two of them could do nothing, but comply with the orders.  On the plane trip over it dawned on them that Russia had “Just Jacked!”.  They knew that the United States and Russia were about to fight the biggest massacre in history, and the two of them were going to have front row seats.  When the plane landed all they heard for miles were bombs being dropped.  The two were told to follow your commanding officer he will bring you to the front line.  They met him then as well, and it looked like he was one of the first officers to try “Just Jacked!”.  They were in marvel of him, they could not believe his stature and what they created.  They followed him for about an hour march until they saw the rest of the army.  The two of them were scared out of their mind, and didn’t know what to do.  Everything seem to be in slow motion to them, and they didn’t hear anything.  Until they felt someone hit them and knock the wind out them.  It was their commanding officer telling them to get up there and fight.  Luke and John then ran to the front line to find the whole Russian Army waiting for them.  They were speechless at what they saw, everyone was on “Just Jacked!”, not one man was naturally muscular.  They saw thousands of men in hand to hand combat and even more dead on the cold ground.  If their was a hell on earth this was it in their minds.  They were then separated in the mob soldiers, the two of them were left to fend for themselves. 

            John just kept running with everyone else he then got in a scuffle with a Russian soldier that was twice his size.  He had no chance of every surviving a hand to hand combat with him.  Luckily another soldier spotted this and came to his aid.  However a few moments later he and his savior were jumped by 8 other Russian soldiers.  The two of them had no chance against the Russian. 

            Luke was a little luckier, he managed to sneak away from the battle.  He was went off into the forest until the battle ended.  When he thought the battle was over he looked out at the field where it took place, there was carnage everyone.  At the sight of it he dropped to his knees and began to cry.  At that moment he was captured by a few remaining Russian soldiers and was sentenced to death shortly after that. 

            Luke and John created “Just Jacked!” in hopes of making them rich and famous.  The steroid made them rich, however the two never lived long enough to enjoy the riches.  The two of them created one of the most brutal battles in history the casualty numbers between the two armies were near the 300,000 men.  Now fifty years later women and children still mourn the ones that were lost in that battle never knowing about the drug that created the war or the people who did it.      


© Copyright 2005 by the author

All rights reserved