“Defeating the P.I.M.P.”

Sarah Callan

All rights reserved by the author



The doctor opened the cooler and removed the bag.

"Clamp off the 5th, 6th and 7th cranial nerves!" he shouted. They were in a panic. If they waited too long, then it would be too late for the transplant to be successful.

"Now clamp the 3rd and 4th. Quickly! We don't have a lot of time!" All of the nurses and doctors were hard at work. Olgrum Doomhammer was lying motionless on the surgeons table. His life was now in the hands of all the doctors around him. The surgeons had to be very careful. Any sudden movements and an artery or valve could be damaged, putting Olgrum's life at high risk. The doctor then proceeded to carefully remove the item from the bag. An expressionless face was placed onto the gap where the existing face existed. The cranial nerves were finally reconnected and the new face took color. 




Olgrum finally woke up to Doctor Ashtoncranker staring at him.

"Congratulations! He announced." "You survived your complete face transplant." Olgrum managed to smirk behind all the pain he was enduring. It was all worth it though in Olgrum's eyes. He would do anything to save the love of his life, Percy Puffers from the horrible Butters McFierceson. 




Olgrum was born and raised in Flin Flon, Manitoba. While vacationing in Winnipeg, Canada, he met a beautiful girl named Percy Puffers. It was love at first sight and the two instantly spent every moment they could with each other. Eventually Olgrum proposed to Percy, and the wedding was planned for the next summer. While Percy was home packing to move in with Olgrum in Flin Flon, she received a call from a man by the name of Butters McFierceson. Butters is notorious for his' fame in owning the largest chain of strip clubs in the United States. Butters' personality is anything but pleasant. He calls himself the "PIMP Daddy" and treats his strippers horribly. Butters heard about Percy through one of his recruiters and wants her to work for him. Since Percy knew about Butters' strip clubs and their sleazy reputation she declined his offer. Butters always get his way, and did not take no for an answer. He decided to sends out his crew to kidnap Percy. When Olgrum heard that Butters' crew kidnapped Percy he was heartbroken, and would do anything to get her back; even if it meant going to desperate measures.




The first time Olgrum looked in the mirror his breath was taken away. Doctor Ashtoncranker had removed Olgrum's entire face and transplanted it with a face from a woman donor. His donor had just been in a drunk driving accident, and miraculously the skin tone of the woman matched Olgrums. Olgrum planned out his attack to win his bride back. He would pose as a stripper at Butters' P.I.M.P. strip club downtown, New York City.

Olgrum made sure that Doctor Ashtoncranker had saved his old face in a plastic bag to be re-attached after he found Percy. The whole process of finding Percy was very risky. Butters had spies everywhere, and his clubs were monitored by high security. If Olgrum's secret was ever let out, his life would also be in high danger. Butter's security is rated top in the country. They don't let anything get by them.

Olgrum still was having trouble coping with the fact that when he looked in the mirror, he didn't see himself looking back. He knew what he was getting himself into by getting the transplant of a woman's face, but he never realized how shocking it would truly be. His nose, mouth, and even cheeks weren't his own anymore. His hands ran down his face. He immediately tried ripping off the foreign skin on his face, but it was going no where. He screamed, and even cried at first. The whole process was such a dramatic change for him, he could barely handle it. Olgrum then remembered why he had done this to himself. The love of his life had just been kidnapped, and he was going to have to get her back.

He quickly dried his tears and took one last look in the mirror. He now had the face of a beautiful woman, but he needed the hair, and body of one too. The first stop he made was to a local wig shop. As he walked into the store the head of every person turned and stared. Olgrum felt so uncomfortable in the store. He was a handsome man before and normally the girls would stare to get his attention, but now the stares were all for a different reason. His face did not flow with his body at all. Olgrum decided to just grab a wig and get out of there as fast as he could. Grabbing a wig soon became a much larger task than he thought. There were millions of sizes, shapes, colors, textures. He didn't know where do begin. Luckily he knew one thing though. The color of his wig had to be red. Olgrum did extensive research on the strippers Butters favored. He had heard from and "inside source" that Butters could never turn down a red head.

Olgrum ended up with a long, red wig. He also went to a nearby clothing store where he picked up a few outfits for his mission. While in the dressing room, a woman opened his door by accident. Olgrum was in mid-change and the woman shrieked, "Ahhh, I think there is a man in the woman's dressing room." Olgrum quickly grabbed all of his clothes and ran out of there, yet in all the mayhem he left behind his favorite pink skirt. In its place he had grabbed some tight leather pants and a bright pink shirt.

It was now time for his task to start. He went back home and tried on his new disguise. When he looked in the mirror he screamed! He could not believe his eyes. Inside he was one person, but on the outside he had become a beautiful woman. Olgrum knew that if he thought about the whole change too much he would get himself all worked up. He just kept thinking about getting Percy back, along with his own face after he defeats Butters and his crew. It was now time for him to go. Olgrum quickly packed his bags and got out of the house. He had a long drive ahead of him, and he could not afford to waste any time.




He arrived at the border of Ottawa and New York about two days later. Now he really ran into a situation... border control.

"Can I please see two form of ID?" they asked. Olgrum's hands were shaking.

"Uh yes sir, most definitely." "Let me just find them." "They are around here somewhere", he said. Olgrum was fumbling through his wallet for his license. He handed it to the officer.

"Very interesting" "And where might you be heading off to?" he asked. Olgrum replied, "Well I have a crucial date with my plastic surgeon." The boarder control officers just looked at each other, and then one stepped forward.

"Ah, I see sir. Well good luck." "You will need it." Olgrum thanked the officers and safely drove away. He immediately let out a sigh. He had never been so nervous before in his life. Olgrum now went straight to Butters first P.I.M.P. club in New York City. He walked up to the front door and was greeted by two security officers.

"How can we help you?" they said.

Olgrum was very nervous and replied, "I was just wondering if I could apply for a job as a stripper."

"We're all set right now." They replied in a deep, strong voice."

"But I really need the money, and I promise that I will please all of your customers." The two security guards looked at each other then said, "Well sweetheart, you are going to have to talk to Butters himself first and he is out of town right now.

"When do you think he will be back?"

"Probably not until tomorrow night. Come back then", said a security officer. Olgrum was not satisfied. There was no way of getting by the two security guards. Each was about 6'3, and 400 lbs. "OK, thanks ill will try again tomorrow", said Olgrum. Now this might have been the biggest lie, because Olgrum walked right around back of the strip club. There was a window opened a crack that Olgrum pried open. He hoisted himself up, and climbed through it. As he jumped, he landed in a small room. It looked to be some sort of janitor's closet. He opened the door a small crack, and peered through it. Outside there was chaos. Hundreds of girls were walking around. This was Olgrums perfect opportunity. He blended in perfectly. Now how on earth was he going to find Percy? Olgrum asked one of the women walking by if she knew a woman by the name of Percy Puffers. "Look on the stage if you want to find her", she said. Olgrum followed the herd of women to the front stage. He looked beyond the curtain and stared out into crowd. The club was huge. There were strippers on every pole and sick men, both young and old, staring in amazement. There were different colored lights flashing everywhere and music blasting at every angle. Olgrum was lost. He could not find Percy in the crowd of people. Suddenly a woman bumped into him.

"I am so sorry", she said. Olgrum looked down and to his amazement it was Percy.

"Percy!" he shouted, and gave her a big hug.

"What are you doing?" she shrieked. "Do I even know you?"

Olgrum's heart sank. She didn't even recognize him.

"You don't recognize me?" Olgrum asked. They just stared at each other. She was so thin, and pale. She looked extremely unhappy. All of a sudden a slender man about 5 ft tall came over and clapped his hands rapidly.

"Come on, come on, move ladies!" "We don't have a lot of time for jibber jabber."

"I have to go" she said.

"No, wait. I'm coming with you" Olgrum said. He followed her to her dressing room.

"What do you think you doing?" "Do you want them to beat us?" she said.

"Listen we need to get out of here", said Olgrum.

"Are you crazy?" "That's impossible. Security is guarding ever door. Besides if we were ever caught. I don't even want to imagine what they would do to us."

"I have an idea" said Olgrum. But you have to trust me. They looked into each others eyes.

"There is something about those eyes", she said. "They look so familiar."

"Do you trust me?" he asked Percy was hesitant at first, but then agreed to fallow Olgrum. Olgrum led her to the janitor's closet in which he came in. He looked around for any security walking by. They were luckily in the clear. He opened the door a crack and the two snuck in. He hoisted Percy to the top of the window, and she jumped outside. Olgrum fallowed right behind her. Now was the hard part. There was security working in the front of the building and in the back. The only chance they could take was to run for it. They dashed as fast as they could past security. Security came right after them, running full speed. Olgrum and Percy had a good lead ahead of them. Since security was so fat, they could hardly keep up with Olgrum and Percy. Olgrum grabbed Percy's arm and he brought her into the nearest Pizza restaurant.

"Into the bathroom!" he shouted. The two ran into the bathroom and hid in a stall. Percy looked up at Olgrum. He was still holding her hand. She looked down at them and shook her hand away.

"What are you trying to do!" she shrieked. Percy was so confused.

"I will explain it all to you once we get out of here" he said. It was so hard having the one person you love, not even recognize you. All Olgrum wanted to do was hold Percy in his arms, and he couldn't even do that.

They both sat silently in the stall for about an hour when Percy finally whispered,

"Have we met before?" Olgrum stared into her eyes. "Yes, we have"

"Those eyes", she said. "They look so familiar." Olgrum gave her a hug and said, "That's because they are."

"What do you mean?" she asked

"You saw these eyes almost everyday before you were kidnapped." Olgrum removed his wig, and revealed his manly hair. Percy shrieked!

"Olgrum?" she asked

"Yes" its me. Tears ran down her face as she gave him a hug.

"I never thought I would see you again!" "But your face. Take that mask off so I can see your face."

Olgrum looked down. Tears poured from his eyes.

"I can't take it off', he said. "Or at least until we get home" Percy was so confused. Olgrum took her in his arms and explained the whole situation to her. That night they sat in the bathroom of Pippy's Pizza for hours. Percy told Olgrum that no matter what she would always love him. The fact that he went through such drastic measures to get her back from Butters showed his undeniable love for her. On the outside, her fiancé looked different than the man she said yes to. But on the inside he had not changed. He was still the same person.

Percy and Olgrum snuck out to their car the next morning after spending a night in the bathroom at Pippy's. They returned to Flin Flan Manitoba the next night after passing through boarder control without any problems. The next morning Olgrum made a call to Doctor Ashtoncranker. He told him the good news about finding Percy, and asked about making plans to transplant his own face back onto his body. Dr. Ashtoncranker set up a date for Olgrum to come in for surgery. The doctor said that although he would be getting his own face back, there would be slight imperfections with it when you compare it to how it used to look. Olgrum was disappointed with the news, but was relieved to be removing the mask from his face. He had enough of living with someone else's identity, not to mention a woman's!

Olgrum went in for surgery a week later. His own face was transplanted back on to his body, and despite minor details he looked good as new. Percy was overjoyed when Olgrum returned back to normal. She now could now see the man she fell in love with. Olgrum notified border control about Percy's kidnapping and Butter McFierceson's. His whole security has been put on a list which is held at boarder control, so anyone working for him can not cross the boarder. Olgrum and Percy now live happily ever after. 


© Copyright 2005 by the author

All rights reserved